|Better Dead than Co-ed|
Season 3, Episode 10
The Third Years are visiting Camelot College for Wizards, accompanied by Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom, to see how they would benefit from being taught in mixed-sex classes. Just as they're about to land, Mildred crashes her broom into a tree. Baz and Gaz watch through a telescope and pretend they're airport control. They call HB the secret weapon when they see her. "All is not well, mon capitain!"
Everyone runs over to see if Mildred's all right. She is. Cackle says that it's a good thing Mildred landed prematurely, because it reminded her that you should always greet wizards on foot. "We witches sometimes have a clear advantage. Wizards aren't so good at flying."
They walk up to the castle and Hellibore makes an ostentatious entrance, calling his pupils forth and making them recite a lame poem that they all look suitably embarrassed to recite. Mildred and her friends are delighted to see Charlie Blossom, who is now an apprentice wizard at Camelot after not being granted a place at Cackle's the previous year. Unfortunately Charlie is the new subject of Baz and Gaz's bullying. Miss Cackle shows up and says she's pleased they've already greeted each other, and gives Charlie a package from his dad.
Hellibore addresses everyone, saying it'll be a nice experiment, that he's sure the girls will be delighted to learn all about wizardry, and that maybe the lads will pick up one or two things somewhere. All the witches glower at him appropriately.
He then ushers away Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom saying that everyone will be just fine and sort things out amongst themselves. They reach The Masters Common Room. "I notice you don't call it the staff room," says Miss Cackle. "No," says Hellibore, making a face to show how daft the idea is. "That's where we keep the staffs."
They meet the deputy head, Benjamin Greengage. He kisses Miss Cackle's hand (he looks to be about her age) and says how enchanted he is to meet her. He tries to kiss Miss Hardbroom's hand but she yanks it away. "Charmed."
Meanwhile, the girls discover that this school has electricity, and glass in the windows. Charlie opens his box from his dad. It has a cake in it and a note. He reads it, and then Enid reads the post script from Mrs Tapioca in her best Italian accent. Before anyone can have any cake, it starts to float around the room. Ethel makes a big deal of asking what's going on, and they all think it's her. The cake floats out the door and they all follow it.
Baz and Gaz step out of their hiding place with their staff. Drusilla, Ethel, and they all congratulate each other, and follow Mildred's gang to watch. They end up outside, with the cake still out of reach. Baz and Gaz stand on the steps floating the cake until Miss Hardbroom appears. She doesn't notice them, and the cake falls neatly into Mildred's hands. "Mildred Hubble. I should have known." She tells Mildred to give her the cake. Mildred tries to hand the cake over, but Baz and Gaz trip her and the cake goes all over Miss Hardbroom.
Miss Cackle tells Mildred off, and Miss Hardbroom says if it was up to her, Mildred would be expelled. Fortunately, Hellibore is being lenient and gives her another chance. Mildred keeps trying to say that it wasn't her fault, but that just makes Miss Hardbroom mad. "Nothing ever is your fault, is it, Mildred?" Mildred leaves.
Later, Hellibore's class shows up for their lessons to find Miss Hardbroom and her class in the room. Miss Hardbroom starts to explain that they'll all be taking classes together, when Hellibore makes another ostentatious appearance. He puts a list on the board of Wizard qualities and (no) witch qualities, and asks what the difference is between witches and wizards. Ruby asks if, maybe, they should be talking about the similarities.
Hellibore rolls with it and says it's a good idea. "Someone? Anyone? Barry?" When there's no answer, he turns over the board and everyone starts reciting the fifty-two different types of dragons. Mildred starts nodding off.
Later, in the dining hall, Hellibore's telling Cackle how riveted the girls were with his lesson. It comes up in conversation that Grand Wizard Hellibore and Miss Cackle are planning to merge Cackle's with Camelot into a single, co-educational school for witches and wizards. Miss Hardbroom thinks it's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. She talks very loudly (as she does when she's getting angry) and everyone overhears, no matter how many times Hellibore tells her to keep her voice down. "That's ridiculous. Isn't it, headmistress?" Miss Cackle says that she's already discussed the idea with Hellibore. By now, everyone's staring at them. "I see." And Miss Hardbroom disappears.
Miss Cackle finds her sitting by the river. She explains that in "normal" schools, boys and girls are in the same buildings. Miss Hardbroom says that it's not that so much as going behind her back about it. "Everyone knew before me." Miss Cackle says it wasn't like that. It was just ideas, and not plans. Then Miss Hardbroom calls Hellibore boring, and asks who's planning to be the head of the school. "Because it's not going to be you, Miss Cackle."
The girls also don't like idea and plan to stop it from happening. Enid asks what the teachers are afraid of. "That we won't get on with the boys?" "No. I think deep down, they're really afraid that we'll get on with the boys too well."
The wizards plan to hold a late-night party in the basement, and Enid has an idea to use it to their advantage. She explains that Baz and Gaz both secretly fancy Mildred, and if Cackle and Hellibore could catch them getting 'too friendly' with her, they would realise that the merger is a bad idea.
Enid spikes Baz and Gaz's drinks with a Truth Potion to make them show Mildred how they feel. Mildred goes and sits with them, and bats her eyelashes at them one at a time until Gary asks her if she's got something wrong with her eyes. Ethel and Drusilla look both confused and appalled, as does Miss Hardbroom who tells Mildred to go and sit back in her own seat. The potion works, and both boys secretly send Mildred an invitation to the party.
Meanwhile, in the Master Common Room, Miss Cackle asks Hellibore who's going to be in charge of the merged school. He coughs uncomfortably, and says that, somewhere down the line, the appropriate person will become apparent. Suddenly, he's very tired and he wants to go to bed. Miss Cackle says that he hasn't answered her question.
Mildred goes down to the basement armed with a walkie-takie, and Baz and Gaz start fighting over her. Ruby plants the other walkie-talkie outside the staffroom, alerting Cackle, Hardbroom and Hellibore.
Miss Hardbroom zaps both of the boys so that they fall down, and everyone is rounded up and taken to the dining hall. Hellibore sends Baz and Gaz to bed, but allows the party to go ahead under supervision, and changes the dining room into a disco.
Miss Cackle agrees that the merger is not such a good idea after all. Mildred dances with Charlie. Miss Cackle dances with deputy-head Greengage. Hellibore and Miss Hardbroom smile to themselves watching the crowd, and then accidentally smile at each for half a second before remembering not to.
Miss Cackle: “You don't call it the staff room then?”
Hellebore: “no, that's the room where we keep all the staffs.”
Hellibore: "Attention please! Iffff I could just. Everyone listen to me please. If I could just..."
HB: "Quiiiieeeet!!!" (everyone goes quiet)
(when talking of who will be head of the new school) HB: "It'll be that silly, puffed up, self important (Miss Cackle in shock horror "Miss Hardbroom") "Heli-boring, yes BORING, BORING, BORING!!”
Miss Cackle: "Brooms are known to offend. Isn't that right Miss HARDbroom?"
Enid: "They're afraid we'll get a little TOO friendly with the boys."
(Mildred bats her eyelashes) Baz: “Is there something wrong with your eyes?”
|The Worst Witch TV Series|